As Paul continues his list of greetings, we're again going to avoid the temptation to "tune out" as we reach this section and instead see what we can learn about these believers that Paul knew, and in what ways they might serve as an example to us as we aim to develop community and friendship with other Christians.
There is some speculation about some of the people Paul identifies here. A handful of the names listed in this section, such as Ampliatus, Urbanus, Stachys and Apelles(v.8-10), were common slave names in Rome. Aristobulus(v.10) may have been the grandson of Herod the great. But as I look at this passage I'm especially drawn to what it directly reveals about the character of those Paul greets, or the nature of his relationship with them.
Three people, Ampliatus, Stachys, and Persis (v.8,9,12) are referred to as "beloved", the Greek word meaning "esteemed, dear, favorite". The root word is Agapao, a word for love that contrasts with Phileo, a Greek word for love based in common interests, which most of our friendships are based on.
There is nothing wrong with Phileo. But that's the kind of love that comes easy, resulting from a fulfillment of our own preferences. Friendships based on a common love of sci-flicks, video games or board games are an example of Phileo, although these relationships can also have Agapao in them if we choose to cultivate it.
Agapao is a love that is based on the will, not the emotions, seeking out and choosing to bring about what is best for the one you "love". In some way, Paul and/or the community had developed that kind of relationship in a special way with three people in the church in Rome. And its the kind of relationship we should aim to see more of in our friendships with others.
Apelles is said to be "approved in Christ". The Greek word here, Dokimos, means "to recognize, to be proved, to be tried as metals by fire and thus be purified". This may mean that Apelles experienced trial of some kind that revealed his character in a way that honored God. The ones "approving" in this instance would likely be the church community in particular, rather than God, as Paul uses this word elsewhere to refer to approval before other people. (Romans 14:18, 2 Corinthians 10:18, 13:7)
It's unclear why Paul singled out Rufus as a "chosen" person (v.13), given that all believers are "chosen by God". But Rufus was a common slave name. It may have been that Paul was reminding him of his TRUE status in the economy of the universe. Likewise, many of us are not happy with where our lives are at, or with how we are viewed or treated by others. So it's important for believers to also remember the amazing gift we've been given as those whom God has invited into his family and promised an eternal future more incredible than anything we can imagine.
"Mother" in verse 13 was a term indicating either endearment toward Rufus' mother or acknowledging her special treatment of Paul. In our church relationships we often limit ourselves to friendships with those in the same stage of life that we are in. Some church programming almost forces people to "clot" in groups based on age demographics. But the church is meant to be a family-like atmosphere where age is no boundary to friendship. There is much the younger can learn from the older and blessings the older can gain from the younger.
The "holy kiss" references in verse 16 is still practiced in a few churches today, although like a few other passages in Paul's writings, this is mostly understood to be a cultural practice that expresses Paul's command to be affectionate toward each other, rather than a command to specifically express affection through kissing each other. After a few centuries, the church at large began to limit this custom to "same sex" kisses because of recurring abuses. (Yikes!) No doubt even same sex kisses may run into recurring abuse if practiced broadly in churches today. But the principle of Paul's instruction still stands. The church community should be a place where we are warm, welcoming and genuinely happy to see each other.
Next- Wrapping Up Romans
Coffee House Question- What relationship have you developed with somone in a Christian Church community that you are grateful for?
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