Paul’s instructions for how Christians should live turn now to the subject of conflict. Specifically, what our reaction should or shouldn’t be when we have been wronged.
Conflict is often very messy and not simply one-sided (though both sides may only see guilt in the other). Our responsibility in conflict (or when avoiding it) is to make right what we did wrong, however small it may seem in comparison to how we have been wronged. Our aim should be to agree with each other whenever possible, and to avoid conflict when not. This doesn’t mean we can’t disagree. But our points of disagreement shouldn’t be cause for tension or bitterness in our relationships. (v.18)
We shouldn’t take it upon ourselves to punish those who sin against us. “Punishing” others might seem like an outlandish thought, but we are all actually very good at passive aggressively “punishing” others when they have wronged us in some way. Even if we’re the only ones who know we’re “punishing” someone else, we’re not. God knows and takes offense that we would presume to do his job. (v.19)
By contrast, Paul says that our response should be that of Proverbs 25:21-22, which he quotes here. We should treat those who wrong us far better than we feel they have treated us. Doing this will result in “heaping burning coals on their heads”.
Now obviously, that phrase sounds a little odd to our ears. The cultural reference still eludes scholars a bit. There are two possible meanings for this reference, and therefore at least two possible applications for us.
The first comes from an ancient Egyptian tradition in which a man wears a pan of burning coals on his head to outwardly show his penitence as he goes to apologize to the one he has wronged. The application of this metaphor would mean that being good to those who wrong us may result in their repentance. Consider how much easier it is to apologize when the other person apologizes first or when they treat you with genuine warmth despite your conflict. This kind of grace (undeserved favor) given to others can melt even a heart made of stone.
The second possible meaning of this reference is from ancient Middle Assyrian law, which contained a punishment involving pouring hot asphalt on someone’s head. The application of this metaphor would be that in some way our kind treatment of those who mistreat us will make their final punishment from God all the more severe if they do not repent.
There are problems with both interpretations. The first metaphor has been subject to more than one interpretation and the second involved asphalt, not hot coals. I tend to lean toward the first, given that it can be easily applied to conflict with both believers and unbelievers, which conforms better to the context of Paul’s writing here. I think, in the second, there is also a potential danger in gaining inappropriate pleasure from the thought of someone’s future punishment that would taint the attitude of grace Paul is teaching us to have. (v.20)
However we interpret verse 20, verse 21 sums up Paul’s teaching on conflict. Evil is nothing more than a twisting of that which is good. It is inferior to good in every way. As we are dealing with conflict with others, we should remember that we do not need to be defeated by the evil of the situation. We can powerfully overcome the evil we are facing by responding with undeserved goodness. (v.21)
Next- How Should Believers View And Respond To Their Government?
Coffee House Question- Why do you think it might be important for God, and not us, to ultimately deal out punishment for wrongdoing?
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