I Am Not "Basically Good"

For a number of years now I've heard it said repeatedly that "people are basically good". But I would guess that most police officers do not find themselves agreeing with this philosophy. To be something "basically" means to be something "primarily or fundamentally". Although there are various moral codes that people adhere to, let's assume for just a moment that "good" means thinking of others first. Doing unto others as you'd have them do unto you. Being the opposite of selfish.

I can tell you from personal experience that I am definately NOT "basically good".

Recently I was running an errand out to the other side of the city before coming home to have a "date night" with my wife. I had already done some running around earlier in the day, so I was over the thrill of it by this point. I felt like singing and so I took along some CDs and a CD player in the car. (I know, I need to get an i-pod. But that's beside the point.)

Sound nice so far? "Oh, a date night with his wife. How sweet. He doesn't sound like such a bad guy. He's probably basically good."

In reality, if I were "basically good", I would not be fumbling through CDs, looking for my favorite at a stop light. I wouldn't be doing anything that would divide my attention from driving, so that I can keep traffic moving well for those behind me and avoid harming anyone by accident. But my momentary pleasure was too important to give those around me any thought. And though I didn't cause any problems for others at the start of my journey, my selfish behavior was only beginning.

Closer to my destination, while on a slow, crowded freeway, I noticed that traffic was dramatically slowing between my upcoming exit and the exit I was about to pass on my right. I had already passed the proper exit point and would have to cross illegally to get off at the exit I was about to pass and avoid the upcoming traffic jam. But I did it anyway.

My wife considers me a very safe driver. I do too, relatively speaking. I never go more than 6 miles over the speed limit, usually staying at around 4-5 above. I signal in parking lots (which my wife thinks is funny), sometimes even when no one is there. I'm not an agressive driver by any definition. Timid would be a better word. City traffic and dense freeway traffic both make me nervous.

Six months after getting my license at 17 years old, I was stopped by a police officer for not yielding to oncoming traffic. He was the oncoming traffice, by the way. I was turning left at a light, saw the oncoming policeman and thought he'd be more upset if I wasn't out of the intersection before the light turned red. I was wrong. He left me with a stern warning and I cried my way home, completely stressed out by the situation. (What can I say? I'm one of those sensitive "artsy" types.) I haven't been stopped by a police officer in the 14 years since. Until now.

When I saw him appear behind me I knew he must have seen what I'd done. I knew I was guilty. I pulled us into a parking lot in response to his inevitable flashing lights. The front of my shirt began to bounce off my chest to the beat of my heart as he walked up to the driver's side window. He told me why he stopped me and I smiled and nodded sincerely saying, "Oh, I'm sure." After asking a few routine questions and getting my information, he asked why I'd made the illegal exit. Now, if I were "basically good", he wouldn't have received a stuttered answer containing both truth AND falsehood. I told him that I had seen the upcoming traffic jam and that since I was following some printed directions (true) I didn't want to get lost (false) or stuck in traffic (true).

How did that lie get thrown in there? I'm still not sure, but I believe that as my mind was racing, there was a split second where I thought presenting a concern over getting lost might benefit me. My natural instinct was not to present truth(something good), but to protect my personal comfort(something naturally selfish). Maybe the officer would be a little more sympathetic if he thought I felt lost. I also remember shaking very nervously(which was 100% real) and making the conscious decision to hold my sheet of directions up from my lap so that he might see the paper quivering and possibly sympathize with me.

If I were "basically good", I would not have given any thought to manipulating the situation for my benefit. My concern would be to relay the truth, without hesitation. If I were "basically good", the truth would just flow out of me unfiltered and this policeman would not have to use his training to discern truth from lies.

The officer asked me at one point if I had seen the white Acura as I exited. I told him I wasn't too good with car names, which is true. After he clarified, I told him that I honesty didn't remember, which was also true. I thought I remembered a white car passing first before I turned out. Then again, I might remember a white car being behind me that seemed far enough away for me to safely exit. But after the heart-pounding trauma of being "on the other side of the law" and caught, my memory was not serving me well.

Still, even if I was not putting someone else in danger with my actions, and that's a big "IF", I was at the very least saying that "I am special and don't have to follow the rules that all the rest of you do. My agenda and to-do list is more important than yours." These are not the words and actions of someone who is "basically good".

For a few moments, the officer went back to his car, no doubt to check and see if I had any warrants or other goodies on my record. At this point I said to God, "I could really use some mercy here, God. But I know you're also a God of justice, and I know I've done wrong here. So I leave this in your hands. Help me to be okay with what happens."

The officer eventually returned with some paperwork and a citation. He very kindly and graciously explained my three options, even making a sympathetic joke about how boring the traffic school class is. He never used a judgmental or scolding tone with me, though he had every right to. He asked if I had been to traffic school in the last five years. I stumbled a bit on this answer, because I had NEVER been to traffic school before. I almost said that, thinking that I might win brownie points in some way.(Not sure why I thought that would help at this point, but I was still instinctively doing anything to reduce my punishment.) But then the thought flashed into my head that maybe I'm SUPPOSED to take some kind of traffic school class every few years and telling him I had NEVER done so would get me in more trouble. So I just stammered, "Uh, n-no." See, if I were "basically good", I wouldn't have hesitated. I wouldn't have spent a single moment trying to win favor or avoid punishment. My every word and thought would be aimed at presenting the truth, with no thought for my personal comfort.

But I am not "basically good".

When we were finished, he told me to have a good, safe night, to which I sincerely replied "thanks for doing what you do" as he headed back to his car. I eventually drove away sobered and effectively reprimanded and have since had time to think about the encounter.

We may not like to use the word "evil" when describing our natural selfish tendencies(though I think it's a good fit), but I can't bring myself to say I'm "basically good". I can't help but think that if we really were "basically good", we wouldn't need near as many laws. Officer Thatcher(as I discovered his name to be on my ticket) would just be "Mister" Thatcher in some other line of work. We probably wouldn't have lawyers and almost certainly not prisons. But we do. Not only are we not "basically good" but we can't even live up to the legal standards that we've created for ourselves, let alone the moral standards set by God.

What's frightening about this, is that when we are truly honest with ourselves, we can see that our performance is not good enough to satisfy an all-perfect God. If our value is based on performance, we are worthless. And even though a philosophy of "performance=personal worth" has been etched into my brain, this isn't the case. We have tremendous value that has nothing to do with our performance.

　

Genesis 1:26- Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness,"

　

And even though we are selfish and rebel and want nothing to do with God, our worth to him still remains.

　

Romans 5:8 - But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
　
I'll be going to my traffic school class soon and am oddly looking forward to it. I certainly knew that what I did was wrong, but there are more than a few "rules of the road" that I know I've forgotten. (Who gets "right of way" at a 4-way stop again?) A refresher course will do me good. And hopefully the class will be at least a little unpleasant. Because I know who I am. Left to my own devices, my sense of "goodness" will fail me. But a swift kick in the butt and fear of "the man" can help keep some of my REAL "basic" nature in check.

-Paeter Frandsen